Most painful time of my life

Well what can I say, life is uncertain, I am not in control of certain things. These are all realities that have been shoved in my face and I am doing my best to deal with them. But I find myself in a pattern of highs and lows.

Just three months ago life had an amazing vibe and promise to it, I had moved back to my favorite city, had a girlfriend that I thought our love was true and real (and had some flaws), was reuniting with friends and family.  My girlfriend of 3.5 years  was living in a 3rd world country for 5 months (refugee camp), meanwhile I was traveling the world for two months. Two months ago she did a 180 on me for a variety of reason (in the beginning of the three months she was madly in love and missing me, and by the end was so distant). This was her first relationship and I was her first lover, and so she has no one to compare to and I get that perspective but I am still confused as to what happened over there, she said reasons, but the initial distancing doesn’t make a lot of sense. I had been very supportive of this dream of hers, and was there when she needed me. Then when I needed her, she turned her back on me and said she couldn’t be there for me. I deserve better, someone that is passionate, loyal, and won’t get week at the knees when there are hot and good men and we are apart. Ce la vie.

So these are the cards that I have been dealt, what do you do with them. Thus my blogging  journey begins.

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6 thoughts on “Most painful time of my life

  1. Awww….if she’s never been in a relationship before then she’s just a babe in the woods…it’s not you..she’s probably going to have a few relationships as they’re going to be so new for her. You meet people for a reason so you both encouraged each other to follow your dreams. that’s a really beautiful gift you gave each other….I hope you’re feeling better…you’ve got so much ahead of you and it’s great to get the person who’s not your true love out of the picture so you can meet her…hang in there…I know it hurts…it will get better and you’ll be a better person for it. It’s always better to love than not love. 🙂

    • Thank you, there are definetly good and beautiful things that came out of this. The most painful part of it is she is 2000+ miles away, and the breakup was over skype, all of her stuff is at my house and she is planning on relocating there for the next ? of years. Which all creates a tough closure situation, which I have been attempting to do.

      • that is difficult. I’m sorry. There must be something that can be learned from it..I hope. Wishing you peace and know that you will have beautiful romantic love again. I hope the packing of her stuff goes quickly and smoothly and she sends you the postage quickly so you can move on. Will be sending you positive energy. You have a great heart…can see that in your postings…having the capacity to love is half of the battle…keep an open heart and the next angel that walks into your life will be more worthy. I love a quote from Deepak Chopra..in fact, just posted it today again on fb…..If you want that special person to show up in your life, be that special person. Isn’t that beautiful? and clearly you are….so hang in there. Wishing you love, happiness and perfect health!!! 🙂 Cris

  2. I’m so glad. 🙂 I found myself doubting that I’d find true love which is really quite silly..how can you project something so insane into your own future? Reading Eckert Tolle’s “The Power of Now” and I know that’s just my pain body trying to stay alive and also me, being afraid of my internal power that’s in all of us….interesting to watch…sometimes it’s like being two people. wishing you peace and love… Cris

  3. It’s so hard when you love someone so much, and it seems out of nowhere they are gone.

    The only thing you can do is take something positive from this and let your heart heal. Let yourself feel what you are going to feel for the moment, and then with each day it will get easier. I hate the cliche “time heals all wounds”, but really that is what it is going to take.

    And it doesn’t make it any easier that her belongings are still at your place. But just pack them up when you are ready, and remember the good times you had and learn from it. When your heart is ready you will find love again. Especially since it sounds like you have so much love to give.

    Wishing you all the future happiness in the world. And I am catching up on reading your blog and will be certain to read future posts.

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