The road has cracks

The road has cracks

Well the ex and I finally skyped for the first time since Easter. Last time she was a mess, this time she was much better. This time, I broke down. We had a very respectful conversation, I got to say it was very very tough. And she says she in not so many words she is still keeping the door open on us, but understands if I am moving on. This girl is full of F-ing uncertainty. Doesn’t know if shes’ coming back for a visit at the end of may or end of August (our anniversary). Doesn’t know if she’ll sign a 2yr contract, or what she wants to be done in December. She may come and get her stuff at the end of may, or otherwise her sister will. She loves her job there and the experience, not sure how that is possible, but I believe it. But she is taking a job away from a kenyan and doesn’t know if there are tangible results.

I am not going back to that place of uncertainty and pain and breaking down. But I love her and I am glad to know that she is happy, and finally has made a decision that she wants to stay in Kenya, which is what she had been telling me in not so many words. She’s even possibly taking a trip with my sister who also lives in Kenya to Ethiopia possibly soon. And I may be coming back to Kenya at the end of the year to finish my trip (long story- was there in January) and visit my sister. I can’t go down that path again, it is too painful. I deserve better!


7 thoughts on “The road has cracks

  1. Everyone deserves better than to be a mooring for someone just so that they can swim in a sea of uncertainty. How is the situation meeting your needs? It sounds as though it isn’t and you’re drawing an appropriate boundary by choosing not to re-engage with the situation on that level. Geesh, I hope that wasn’t too personal, but it sounds like you’re having a rough time and could use some encouraging words.

  2. Thank you, i had a rough day, but other than that since I cut her off, it has been nothing but good. The weight of having that on me, was almost entirely lifted. If I could ever give someone advice based upon my experience of the last month, if you trully want to move on, cut them off. Huge, huge, huge difference! I even communicated that to her that I was doing it. That being said I am actually really excited about being single this summer, amazing how much your perspective can change once you can trully let go.

  3. I would advise reading some self improvement books and possibly some on RS/attraction etc, they are always wrote of ass being dumb but there are some good free ebooks on the net. Self improvement is good stuff. However its true, you don’t need this friendship. It will just pro-long the pain and the thought she can have you some more while she does other stuff.

    If she should keep beating around the bush with you any time in the future don’t let her be the one who dictates when she keep coming back to you for a pat on the back if you get me. When you walk away from this for good right now you will find out a few months down the road she will probably be feeling she made a big mistake, this can happen.

    Just remember too that you don’t owe her anything now, if she contacts again for any sort of bf benefits just simply tell her to respect your space, this is what i would do because it avoids hurt and will shock her in a ‘good way’. Then her sister can collect the belongings in the future if they are important, if anything i would get her sis to collect them asap.

    Remember too that you are a great guy, we as people all have something special to give. Good luck mate.

  4. Thank you, yeah I have been listening to some good audio cd’s on attraction, what does RS stand for? Well we have been in communication via email, as her sister finally picked up her stuff this weekend, have to say it made me a little emotional. and She graduates from grad school today, something I was very supportive of, but remains in that country. Actions speak loudest, and though she states she cries and say she still loves me, I do not trust her to be anything but uncertain.

    • Hey man i missed this comment because it didn’t come up as reply, RS = Relationship. Great that you found some audio cds btw.

      Exactly mate your seeing it, she is just wanting re-assurance you are always there for her to pat her on the back for her breaking up with you (of course she is having a hard time too but she is of course the one who broke up with you).

      If you wanted her back its always possible but only in the future. If your ex wants to come back she will be back and nothing will stop her i.e she will be at your front door (bigger action of caring) whereas a text of ‘i miss you’ is too easy and simple.

      i recommend Dr George Karanastasis’ ebook on exes, probably find it fr on the net for download. I reckon it will give you all you need to know, it may get your ex back and if not its a good read either way. Talk to you later mate.

  5. Thank Jay, thought it is pretty difficult to make it to my front door, as she is in Kenya right now for work. But I will try to check that ebook out, she will be on my front door at the end of the summer.

    • Haha it was more of a iconic example, i know she in Kenya atm. In your case it would be getting the next plane ticket out of there! Friendly text message and web chats are so easy to send, exes even rid themselves of guilt this way.

      Anyway how are you doing mate? I laughed at your last sentence. Its definitely worth a look. Any questions about that book just hit me up on it and i will gladly answer. Talk to you later 🙂

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