Well the ex and I finally skyped for the first time since Easter. Last time she was a mess, this time she was much better. This time, I broke down. We had a very respectful conversation, I got to say it was very very tough. And she says she in not so many words she is still keeping the door open on us, but understands if I am moving on. This girl is full of F-ing uncertainty. Doesn’t know if shes’ coming back for a visit at the end of may or end of August (our anniversary). Doesn’t know if she’ll sign a 2yr contract, or what she wants to be done in December. She may come and get her stuff at the end of may, or otherwise her sister will. She loves her job there and the experience, not sure how that is possible, but I believe it. But she is taking a job away from a kenyan and doesn’t know if there are tangible results.
I am not going back to that place of uncertainty and pain and breaking down. But I love her and I am glad to know that she is happy, and finally has made a decision that she wants to stay in Kenya, which is what she had been telling me in not so many words. She’s even possibly taking a trip with my sister who also lives in Kenya to Ethiopia possibly soon. And I may be coming back to Kenya at the end of the year to finish my trip (long story- was there in January) and visit my sister. I can’t go down that path again, it is too painful. I deserve better!