Bump in the Road

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Well i got an email from the ex., saying she would love to talk to me., when I am ready. I am sure it is to let me know of her plans, and I am assuming she is wanting to stay there. I just went on a date last night, strange coincidence that my ex emails me the next day. The girl that I went on a date with, i am not that into to be honest and she invited me to an Irish dance on Sunday.  So the question is am i prepared to talk/skype with her, I have been making such good progress in moving on.  I want to know what she has decided upon and what she wants to do with her stuff, and my heart is tugging at me and going through the scenarios.  But I don’t want to be back in that place, I don’t think I deserve round 2 of the pain.  I never deserved this in the first place, yes I had my flaws, but this is mostly about what is going on with her, she was the one that wanted the breakup. She was the one that didn’t value my love. She was the one that had changed so rapidly, not me. I gave love, I gave a lot for her to help her follow her dreams, I was loyal to a fault.  I think i have to put my armor on and march in.

screw infidelity

Recently I posted a letter to Cheating men. I touched on some of the illusions around affairs, but mostly on what an illusion affair sex really is. I feel after posting it, that it’s unfair to specifically target men. Women cheat too. For some of the same reasons, as well as some different reasons. Thinking about that, I felt it was only right to leave a note for Cheating Women as well. Like I said in the previous letter/ post, I know that every affair and every individual is different. I’m not trying to define “every man and woman” through these posts. I’m addressing some prevalent factors that statistically are common in matters of infidelity and my thoughts regarding those. Some will be able to read it for what it is and own the truth they find in it, while others will reject my thoughts and deny any similarity to…

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A Moons Walkthrough...

Wondering what relationship stage you’re in right now? Here are the 9 relationship stages that all couples go through, no matter how the love starts.

Relationships are unique. And one experience of love is never ever the same. You may have been in several relationships in your life, and all of them may have been very different from the earlier one. But there are a few traits about every single relationship that binds all relationships along a similar path.

Relationships, just like life, have their own stages. It starts off with infatuation and goes through several stages along the way. And these stages are like tests that check your compatibility with each other. Go wrong anywhere along the way, and your relationship will take the brunt of the fall. Have you ever met a couple who seemed like they were going to stay together forever, but ended up breaking up…

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The freedom to follow one’s path

Today you have the freedom to choose, there are few limits to what you can do, be, live your life. To wallow through life as a zombie, free but not free, attached to houses, debt, and cars is a choice but it restricts. When does life flourish under freedom that is the true question?  Everyone has responsibilities if not to themselves, to people they love or care about,  you have freedom to love, but it can feel restrained. And If you love someone, can you set them free, it is not easy. My attempts, have been but an awakening of pain that runs deep.  Betrayal and Love, these words rollercoaster up and down with my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking of you and when we last touched. We both feel the pains of freedom now and I know you have not lost the love.

The wrath of freedom is upon us, we see the promise of our futures.  We are blind to what was, and what is now around us, within us, we cannot tap what was there just a few months ago. If only it were easy, a path layed before us with perfection, compromise, and love at its foundation. A path that would take us to happiness, to reach our highest dreams and aspirations, make us better people. To lose us, would be to gain regret. To lose us, would be to question what could have been.

We lost ourselves along the path we were on, and now are finding our single footings.   A noble time to re-discover and makes improvements. But there is emptiness, a cavity that cannot be filled, a blackhole that is sucking at my soul. But also the promise of what could be, why does the future have to be a cycle of fear and challenge.  It would require hard work and faith to counter the darkness, to suck the soul back out of purgatory. Hard work, we are not strangers to this cause. We share this background, it is in our roots.  Faith, we struggle with it in our world of facts and evidence. Facts and evidence can it explain the love that we have felt towards each other or the bonding of family and friends or the magic of ones touch or presence?  Faith is and always will be true to the human experience, even without religion.  One could also say hope and faith are two peas in a pod, we are two peas in a pod.  We can grow a garden of peas, but if we let them dry out and wither our soul’s stomach will go hungry.

…AND SO WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES THE NEXT OPENS UP

The last 3.5 years of my life have been an extremely rich period of time and I will never forget it, the adventures, the love, the friends, the ups and downs.  I try not to focus on the downs, but I had my share.  It was something that was beautiful, true and real.

Today is a good day to be alive, the possibilities can be inspiring.  Today the sun comes up and starts a new beginning.  To give some background to yesterday, I have accomplished moving from Boston (loved the place) to my favorite city in the world. Speaking of world, I have traveled it, having come back from a trip to Kenya, United Kingdom, Ireland and California (and a day in Amsterdam).  I bought a house here while in Boston. While i was traveling back to my homeland for my birthday, My friend  and I looked at four houses in one day. The first house that I saw, I put an offer in on my birthday and got it. Some may say I am a bit crazy for the way I buy houses, and you may be right. This house is my passion right now, it is a beautiful old house built in 1887. The history of this house and the beauty in its bones run deep.  My work, has also granted me 3.5 months off of work, which I did not take for granted, and experienced life in many places seeing amazing works of man to impoverished drought stricken lands.

I started my job this week and I love that I work for a company that is named for a passion of mine. While it is a job that I like (and some dislike- it’s a corporation), I have yet to find a good work/life balance.  I have started taking meditation classes to help, but I know when the storms come, it will be a fight to keep a balanced life. My job has enabled me to lots of adventures, good pay, and a concrete field that I haven’t had to worry about being employed in. It also enables me to see into the lives of the homes people live in, and I find it fascinating. What other job can you get so intimately close with peoples homes and their lives that are sometimes opened  up to me?

Life minus the hurdle, has been very good, I feel very lucky and fortunate to have realized with this time of reflection. That part of me has been lost and I am finding it once more.  It is hard to analyze oneself, from being in a cocoon of a relationship. But the quest for happinness, is still a question that remains, this too will change.