A Moons Walkthrough...

Wondering what relationship stage you’re in right now? Here are the 9 relationship stages that all couples go through, no matter how the love starts.

Relationships are unique. And one experience of love is never ever the same. You may have been in several relationships in your life, and all of them may have been very different from the earlier one. But there are a few traits about every single relationship that binds all relationships along a similar path.

Relationships, just like life, have their own stages. It starts off with infatuation and goes through several stages along the way. And these stages are like tests that check your compatibility with each other. Go wrong anywhere along the way, and your relationship will take the brunt of the fall. Have you ever met a couple who seemed like they were going to stay together forever, but ended up breaking up…

View original post 994 more words

Deafening sound of silence

My mind thinks nothing but of her, I know I deserve better, but I can’t cut it off. I am handcuffed to uncertainty. How did we get here? There are so many questions I want to ask and things I want to write, but I censor myself because I feel like it would hurt her more or do damage. But the silence roles on, and I feel helpless.  If only maturity would find you and slap you across the face.

The freedom to follow one’s path

Today you have the freedom to choose, there are few limits to what you can do, be, live your life. To wallow through life as a zombie, free but not free, attached to houses, debt, and cars is a choice but it restricts. When does life flourish under freedom that is the true question?  Everyone has responsibilities if not to themselves, to people they love or care about,  you have freedom to love, but it can feel restrained. And If you love someone, can you set them free, it is not easy. My attempts, have been but an awakening of pain that runs deep.  Betrayal and Love, these words rollercoaster up and down with my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking of you and when we last touched. We both feel the pains of freedom now and I know you have not lost the love.

The wrath of freedom is upon us, we see the promise of our futures.  We are blind to what was, and what is now around us, within us, we cannot tap what was there just a few months ago. If only it were easy, a path layed before us with perfection, compromise, and love at its foundation. A path that would take us to happiness, to reach our highest dreams and aspirations, make us better people. To lose us, would be to gain regret. To lose us, would be to question what could have been.

We lost ourselves along the path we were on, and now are finding our single footings.   A noble time to re-discover and makes improvements. But there is emptiness, a cavity that cannot be filled, a blackhole that is sucking at my soul. But also the promise of what could be, why does the future have to be a cycle of fear and challenge.  It would require hard work and faith to counter the darkness, to suck the soul back out of purgatory. Hard work, we are not strangers to this cause. We share this background, it is in our roots.  Faith, we struggle with it in our world of facts and evidence. Facts and evidence can it explain the love that we have felt towards each other or the bonding of family and friends or the magic of ones touch or presence?  Faith is and always will be true to the human experience, even without religion.  One could also say hope and faith are two peas in a pod, we are two peas in a pod.  We can grow a garden of peas, but if we let them dry out and wither our soul’s stomach will go hungry.

It’s Her Decision Time

We just skyped and she is deciding soon about her path to follow. Here is the scenario: She is in 3rd world country, doing her dream work. She has been offered a job there, and she needs to figure out if she wants it.  I told her that if this is her dream that I didn’t want to get in the way. And have tried to encourage her to make this decision on her own. But she is still figuring it out after all this time. Part of me is like I deserve better than this.

It is so F-ing hard right now, because I can’t be there in person and the best we have is skype. I know if i was there, things would be totally different, but I am not and the cards are as they are. She loves me, she was crying more than half of the skype session. And says the only reason she would come back is for me (even though she has friends and family that she loves here). So the question remains, and I feel like I need to do something now or I will regret it the rest of my life. She is the love of my life, i had many girlfriends and dated and she is closest I have been to the bullseye.

…AND SO WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES THE NEXT OPENS UP

The last 3.5 years of my life have been an extremely rich period of time and I will never forget it, the adventures, the love, the friends, the ups and downs.  I try not to focus on the downs, but I had my share.  It was something that was beautiful, true and real.

Today is a good day to be alive, the possibilities can be inspiring.  Today the sun comes up and starts a new beginning.  To give some background to yesterday, I have accomplished moving from Boston (loved the place) to my favorite city in the world. Speaking of world, I have traveled it, having come back from a trip to Kenya, United Kingdom, Ireland and California (and a day in Amsterdam).  I bought a house here while in Boston. While i was traveling back to my homeland for my birthday, My friend  and I looked at four houses in one day. The first house that I saw, I put an offer in on my birthday and got it. Some may say I am a bit crazy for the way I buy houses, and you may be right. This house is my passion right now, it is a beautiful old house built in 1887. The history of this house and the beauty in its bones run deep.  My work, has also granted me 3.5 months off of work, which I did not take for granted, and experienced life in many places seeing amazing works of man to impoverished drought stricken lands.

I started my job this week and I love that I work for a company that is named for a passion of mine. While it is a job that I like (and some dislike- it’s a corporation), I have yet to find a good work/life balance.  I have started taking meditation classes to help, but I know when the storms come, it will be a fight to keep a balanced life. My job has enabled me to lots of adventures, good pay, and a concrete field that I haven’t had to worry about being employed in. It also enables me to see into the lives of the homes people live in, and I find it fascinating. What other job can you get so intimately close with peoples homes and their lives that are sometimes opened  up to me?

Life minus the hurdle, has been very good, I feel very lucky and fortunate to have realized with this time of reflection. That part of me has been lost and I am finding it once more.  It is hard to analyze oneself, from being in a cocoon of a relationship. But the quest for happinness, is still a question that remains, this too will change.

Most painful time of my life

Well what can I say, life is uncertain, I am not in control of certain things. These are all realities that have been shoved in my face and I am doing my best to deal with them. But I find myself in a pattern of highs and lows.

Just three months ago life had an amazing vibe and promise to it, I had moved back to my favorite city, had a girlfriend that I thought our love was true and real (and had some flaws), was reuniting with friends and family.  My girlfriend of 3.5 years  was living in a 3rd world country for 5 months (refugee camp), meanwhile I was traveling the world for two months. Two months ago she did a 180 on me for a variety of reason (in the beginning of the three months she was madly in love and missing me, and by the end was so distant). This was her first relationship and I was her first lover, and so she has no one to compare to and I get that perspective but I am still confused as to what happened over there, she said reasons, but the initial distancing doesn’t make a lot of sense. I had been very supportive of this dream of hers, and was there when she needed me. Then when I needed her, she turned her back on me and said she couldn’t be there for me. I deserve better, someone that is passionate, loyal, and won’t get week at the knees when there are hot and good men and we are apart. Ce la vie.

So these are the cards that I have been dealt, what do you do with them. Thus my blogging  journey begins.

Hello world!

To dream the impossible dream, this is my quest to follow the unreachable star. So life has thrown me for a loop, one has choices at this point you can collapse from the weight, or rise to the occasion. I choose rising, and if it seems too positive or unrealistic for you, then you don’t know me.

I believe if you state your goals, you are less likely to actually do them. So this blog will be about what I do or in the process of doing, and not what I say.

So let it be written and let it already be done.